eating is so badass i mean you put something in a cavity where you smash and destroy it with 32 protruding bones and then a meat tentacle pushes it into a pool of acid and after a few hours later you absorb its essence and transform it in energy just wow

That is the most metal thing I have ever read in my whole life.

(Source: halfassedotaku, via iamashipwreck)


my voice is girly when I talk to strangers
but when I’m with friends I turn into morgan freeman

(via ineednourishment)

I pissed off some teen age kid at a table I was serving.

  • Me: I'm sorry, I'll be back with the right plate
  • Him: whatever
  • *as I turn to walk away*
  • Him: *talking to his friends* he's probably a homo, he's too distraught.
  • *i turn back to the table*
  • Me: you know, you shouldn't talk about the dude who's about to serve your food, right beside him. Also, learn the definition of homo, it's a root word that means, "man" in which yes I am a man, more of one than you will ever dream to be. So if you're intentions were referring to me being a homoSEXUAL as in MAN-sexual, which I am, then use a correct form of it. Now, sit there little boy, while this gay man goes to get your food for you.
  • *i leave and come back*
  • Me: here's your AIDs stuffed burrito you ordered.
  • His friends tipped me $20





there needs to be a site where desperate people can complain about how desperate they are


time elapsed: 7.8 seconds

I internet pretty hard, man.

(Source: kaelsrollycoaster, via ineednourishment)



Are you ever just overwhelmed by the horrifying thought that maybe, nobody ACTUALLY wants you around? And it’s not that you think everyone hates you, but it’s just that you’re not special to anyone? And that its really kind of sucky that you’re about 98% sure that nobody thinks “Wow, I just really like talking to her.” and that you could probably just disappear without anyone caring that much?

Well, now I am.